We’ve all been there. Felt like we could have done or said something better, basically committed errors. The other day, I was chatting with a friend over the phone and I didn’t know when I blurted out ‘foolish girl’ in the flow of our chats. Of course, it wasn’t meant to be offensive, it was said in a light-hearted manner. Just kidding is what I was doing. It was the kind of thing you’d say to your pally when you were just joking around. Yet, I really didn’t have to say this. Fun fact: If I had said the same thing about ten years ago, I doubt I’d have had a second thought about it. Growth happened; I think.
Pally didn’t take it to heart because she knew it was meant to be a joke. But, I felt slightly uncomfortable knowing what I had just spewed wasn’t exactly graceful speech. Calling your girlfriend ‘foolish girl’ when you’re kidding around sounds like nothing in the grand scheme of things until you become conscious of this small scripture verse:
‘Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person’. – Col 4:6
This does not imply that you can’t play with the people in your life – I have a degree in playfulness and I’m not even about to stop. It doesn’t mean that you should begin to walk into rooms with your head dropped in between your shoulders, far from it. What it does mean though is that you should evaluate what you say to people even when you’re just kidding, preferably before you say it (I know this isn’t always easy, but it’s a good practice – thinking before talking). It is to ensure that your speech isn’t either unnecessary or borderline hurtful or derogatory. As much as possible, your words shouldn’t leave the other person feeling terrible, especially seeing as we are in the age of clap backs and cyber-trolling.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits – Proverbs 18:21.
Now, what if it’s not something we said but something we did? Listen, I have experience here too. Who doesn’t? But I’m not going to bore you with the details. I could write a notebook listing all my errors in this life -that’s if I can remember them all, but what good would it do anyone? Here’s the essence of my post today:
‘Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.’ – Phil 3:13
Yes, you’ve bungled more times than you can count. Yes, you’ve missed the mark too many times. Yes. But, forge ahead. People can judge or criticise you and you won’t feel a thing but it’s a different ball game when the judgement is from within. Self-condemnation: “I’ve failed too many times”. If peradventure, you’ve made a mistake and you think it’s over for you, I’d like to inform you that it’s not. Yes, some mistakes are costly and while you may suffer the physical consequences of your actions, it’s not over for you just yet. There is such a thing as redemption: where it’s no longer about you. So, move on off that self-judgement. Let go of the guilt. Forge ahead.
God is not looking for perfect people, none of us would meet the cut-off mark if He were (thank goodness). What He is looking for is open hearts – people who are willing to follow Him regardless of their mistakes or imperfections. I know it’s hard to not think of “what could have been if only I had done something better, or made a different choice”. But thinking like this for the most part will do you and I no good. Leave your mistakes where they belong: in the past. Take the learning points and make a decision to do and be better.
Your errors do not define you. That God could never use you because of your failings is far from the truth. If anything, I have found that He specialises in using the least expected, seemingly unqualified people. It is not a question of whether He is still interested in you. It is a question of whether you’re willing to move on from your mistakes or you’d sit on the couch of self-pity and regret. Quick chip-in: One of the worst things that you can think is: ‘I am already in error or this shortcoming has already become a part of me, I may as well just remain in it’. No darling. God has a plan for your life, it never changed. Even if you did.
Admit your errors. You will not be delivered from yourself if you fail to admit that there’s a problem. Be true to yourself when you know you’ve made a mistake because really, who are you kidding? Don’t try to repackage your sins or make your errors look good. I see this happen all the time: us trying to justify our wrongs. Here’s an easy check: If it takes you so much effort to convince yourself and others that it’s not wrong, it probably is wrong. I know that it is popular to now say things like ‘there’s no standard for behaviour’, ‘just do you’. Hello (*insert hand wave), you don’t have to agree but the standard for the believer is the word of God. You’re either all in or not in.
If ‘doing you’ will mean being at a contrast with the word of God and/or His Holy Spirit, I’m sorry but you is not ideal. How to be a better person is by first, admitting your weaknesses or errors and also apologising to whoever your actions have wronged. I understand the fact that this comes with a lot of maturity but this is the life we are called to. Not a life of convenience or sweeping things under the carpet.
Don’t dwell on your mistakes. For every time I have focused on the problem itself, I have fallen back into my errors. And that’s where the real problem is: depending on our own strength to fix our broken selves. Stop trying to deal with your problems all by yourself. Stop trying to figure it all out on your own. Because you don’t have to. You can try with all your might but you’re more likely to fall again this way. And then you’ll begin to wonder what you’re doing wrong. What you’re doing wrong is finding strength in the wrong places. The human strength is frail and prone to failure.
‘Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God’. – Hebrews 12:2.
Stop meditating on all the things you could have should have done better, there’s something better to meditate on. The one who is able to keep you from falling. Fixing your eyes on Him means feeding on His word and remaining in His presence (note to self). It means being sensitive to the Holy Spirit and having a consciousness that you are not your own. When my focus is on Him and not on myself, I don’t even know at what point I overcome certain weaknesses, I just look back one day and realise it’s gone. Oh the grace to be able to fix our gaze on Him.
Keep forging ahead of your mistakes’ it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. So here, cheers to pressing forward everyday!
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