I originally wrote this article three years ago but for some reason, I shoved it away in some hidden folder on my computer. Well hello 2019! And cheers to exposing the skeletons in our cupboards (the good kinds) this year! A couple of edits here and there for the purpose of publishing here. I hope this post on faith speaks to the part of your heart that needs it the most.
***Seven out of the twelve months of this year were consistently hyper challenging for me. These months were what you would call ‘impossible’ months. Never would I have thought in my wildest dreams that I would find myself in the situation that I did. Now I understand the tests and trials that were talked about in James 1:2-4. How could they have started that verse with ‘count it all joy’? Count what all joy huh? What is joy? I was far from joyful, I just couldn’t understand why this was happening to me.
The situation was slowly eating me up on the inside, I on the other hand, was barely able to eat. I was eating sparsely and even then, I was only doing what you would call ‘eating to keep body and soul together’. I became leaner by the day from inadequate nutrition; not only physically, but also spiritually. I was getting swallowed up in fear. I felt like I was drowning in the ‘waters’ that I believe scripture was referring to when it scribed: ‘I will be with you when you pass through the waters’.
This is what the myriad of questions I had for God at the time looked like:
“How can You still let me go through something as tough as this after all we have already being through together?”
“I didn’t even put myself in this situation so why me?”
“I didn’t even put myself in this situation so why me?”
“I know You said we will have troubles in this world but please, can’t I select the kind of tribulation that works for me, the one I can handle?”
“Whatever You are trying to achieve by letting me go through this, it’s not working!”
“Ok, point taken, can this cup just pass already?”
I prayed harder, I fasted. I wanted a miracle, and I wanted it ASAP. But guess what? The ‘miracle’ did not come, not in the manner and time I wanted it to come. At a point, I concluded that I must have offended God. I mean, I had to have done something terrible for Him to allow me – whom He claimed to love and die for- to go through such hideous circumstances.
I began to ask Him what I did to Him to deserve the ‘harsh treatment’. And of course, this was the best time for the accuser of the brethren to capitalize on my situation and fill my heart with the wrong things. Like pointing out where I may have missed it and how I was just not that good enough for God to love; hence why I was facing a tough situation. How my life should be perfect because I am a Christian. How since my life was not perfect (and did not appear so), I was not a child of God. All lies. All those accusations were guesswork, they weren’t of God.
Fam, it is a risk to not know and remind yourself what God says about you. Would you rather listen to what you, the voice in your head or people around you say? So, thankfully, I was still able to remember a little part of what God’s word said. And I replied to these thoughts: “yes, I am imperfect, but isn’t that why I have Jesus?”
If you are at the point where you feel you have offended God and think He is probably trying to get back at you for something that you did, I say to you: “There is nothing that you have done (or will do) that the blood of Christ has not already cleansed”. The only problem would be in not accepting this truth.
Here’s the gist: That issue – the one that made me ask all the questions in the world – has not gone. What changed? My perspective. The reminder that Christ has conquered all for me, and for real too. That perfect love casts out fear. That I ought to shift my focus back to my faith and not my fears. That fear is not from God. That was the miracle, that shift of focus. May I quickly chip in to say that faith is not a denial of your circumstances; it is the realization of the fact that all your battles have been fought and won, even before you knew about them.
Although hard times will come (ask the twelve disciples), our confidence is in the solution giver and not in the solution itself. Our faith is in the healer and not in the healing. So despite the fact that healings and miracles do not happen the way we want or expect them to, our faith remains in the one who has the capacity to ‘fix it’. And listen; God still performs miracles today, oh He does. Only, He does it in His time and not ours. This is why you and I pray for some things and they do not happen at the snap of our fingers. You cannot cajole God into miracles. He does things with purpose and He will do it if He says He will.
Are we to drop ‘all that God stuff’ in the garbage when life deals us blows? Do you lose your faith in God because things are not going your way? Have you concluded that ‘that God stuff doesn’t work’ or ‘religion is scam’? Yes, religion is scam but not faith in God and not true relationship with Him; neither His grace nor His love is scam. Sorry to disappoint you but ‘that God stuff’ works. It is because we have an expectation of how God should work in our lives that we sometimes think it doesn’t. But no, His ways are not our ways. God is not asking you to do religion (you’re on your own with that), He is asking you to have a personal relationship with Him.
You may occasionally feel doubts during those times of fear and uncertainty, and that’s okay. But only for a little while. Get up and attack those doubts by renewing your mind with the word of God. The miracle may not be in your issue disappearing, it may just be in God giving you the wisdom and strength to deal with that issue. And He will if you let Him. He, more than anyone else (including you) has your best interest at heart.
Faith is probably one of the greatest tests of spiritual growth and maturity. And that passage I referred to in the book of James above is a gazillion shades of accurate. Without tests and trials, your faith and endurance cannot be tested. When your faith has no chance to be tested and your endurance has no room, you will not grow as you spiritually should either. God is love and ‘love’ loves training and growth. Nothing happens to you by mistake; He is aware. There is a reason for everything that happens to you. Believe with shaky hands and feet, but believe. Have I grown? Have I learnt to endure more? I think so. Uncle James was right after all.
Faith is also not the act of generating proof-less explanations for convoluted topics. No darling, we have faith because we have an assurance of hope and because we have seen God’s hands at work here on earth. If you are trusting God for anything, don’t stop. As long as it is in line with His word and in is His will for you (for example you should know that you can’t be trusting God for fraud or anything else that is against His word), best believe that no Jupiter can stop it from happening for you.
Faith says: I believe in God despite my circumstance. True faith (not the one that is confused with various religious waves) is the power of God at work. It is born of God and any attempt to humanly comprehend or rationalize it will be futile. ‘For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast’. We have been reconciled to God by faith and as such our relationship with Him is by faith.
Just like any good thing, if you do not tend the grass, it will lose its green-ness. What ought we to do then? Constantly learn and renew our faith. And there are only a few ways to do this: By studying and listening to the word of God, fellowshipping with God and His people –the true worshippers-because iron sharpens iron. This constant renewal is important because my faith and yours will continue to be tested daily. When you sense that fear or that thought that tells you that you are not good enough or that you are not loved, remind yourself of God’s word. Where faith resides, fear cannot dwell.
May this year be a year of stepping out of our fears into the realm of faith and true understanding! May this year be a year of growing strong and trusting God through our storms.
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